Thursday, December 3, 2015

28.entry: Create yourself! (Get stronger)


So another year that's has almost came to an end. Its safe to say we have all been hurt, been extremely happy, had good and bad sex, lost and gain friends, and we have all changed for better or for worse. 

At this point I would like to say something about changing or lets use the phrase "creating" yourself. These past experiences changed us into somebody new, we must create our different selves to coop with the world. And I dont like when people tell me that I have changed and that I am different. Obviously I have changed, and so far I can say I am still in control of who I am and of who I want to become. This is the point of creating oneself, to be in control of who you become and to be better then you were the day before. 

I remember one time in elementary school, I was about 12 years old. I was a really good kid, I still am, but at that time I might have been too innocent, and over the summer break I became more confident and I just kind of find a new ground to stand on. And I remember coming back to school, I went to library and the librarian who I knew pretty well (its safe to say I did spend a lot of time in library) said to me that I have changed and not necessarily in good way. It really made me think of who I am, and if I am losing myself to the "dark side", But thats the thing; we all have that dark side and I just became more comfortable with accepting it I guess. So the point of the story would be that I did change and it wasnt for worse like the librarian said. It was for the better, because I became more sure of myself and I finally knew who I was. 

Life is not too short or too long, I feel its just long enough for us to crate who want to be and be proud of it. Because I believe everybody can become anything they set their mind to. You can become president, drug dealer, scuba diver, killer or even a lady with 50 cats. But the thing is, not all of those choices are good. Thats the catch, You have to create yourself to be better and to help yourself and others. It wouldnt take me much time and effort to become a robber would it know? And that could be one version of myself, but our hopes and dreams should guide us to creating the better self, the stronger one. We all have light and dark inside of us, dont let the world choose for you, choose for yourself and do what is right! In life these choices are necesarry, they might be scray and hard to make, but the outcome is soo worth it. I had plenty of chances to stop caring and just give it all up, but did I? NO! And you know why, because I care about myself too much to let the actions of others send me down the path to destruction. Everybody has a chance to be a bad person and to create themselves into somebody horrible, but it not right! You owe it to yourself and to your fiends and family to be their light when they need it, you need to be their saviour when they are in need of a rescue. And you cant provide light and saving if you are destructive!

People oftenly go down the wrong path when something bad happens. They feel they need to adapt, to change; only to survive. Unfortunatelly that solution is only temporary and in the long run it wont do you any good. We have all been hurt and loved people who didnt us love us back, but that doesnt mean we should close out hearts to the world and become ice queens of the brokenheart land. Shit happens, and when it does, it is up to us if it will defeat us or make us stronger. That is the real meaning behing creating yourself. When life knocks you down, you have to get back up better and stronger, because you can and because you should. Of course I can tell you it will be better, and even you know it, but at that time it seems like it wont, and in that time you need to keep your faith in yourself. 

So yeah, life is all about creating ourselves to live happily and to find happiness. Dont be afraid to experiment with yourself, and seek whatever brings you joy and happiness. Dont be afraid to change from somebody you were, because no matter what, you will change, and its much better when you are in control. 

Stop trying to find yourself, because you already did. And to be free of those limits, you need to create yourself! Remember; you are your own person, and you can be anything you want, dont let the the words of others and limitations of society tell you otherwise! Lets all enter the new year with a new energy, new hope and better self! 

Lots of love and kisses, it never too late to live your dreams and be who you were meant to be!

Sunday, November 8, 2015

27.entry: Fairy tales end when they do for a reason

“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” - J.M. Barrie

Have you ever wondered what happened to The Little Mermaid after she married Eric, or what ever happened to the Beauty and the Beast? 

Maybe they lived happily ever after, or maybe they didn't. But like title reads, fairy tales end when they do for a reason. They always end when the guy gets the girl and all is well. But the reality is, its not. Finding somebody you like is hard enough, but keeping him or her interested is harder. They will probably break your heart, and you will end up broken. I have recently came across a blog about soul mates and stuff. And I must agree with what they wrote; ending up with a soul mate for the rest of the life would probably be to painful. Even though it will hurt and you will have a broken heart, it will get better. Because if you break new light will get in, and you will become a new person, a different person. Its their job to tear you to pieces, only so you can see what was wrong all along.

Recently it happened that more than one person broke my heart. And I know this all sounds very sissy because I am man and all, but still, it sucks. And forgetting the fact is impossible. It may happen you will end up having feelings for him or her forever, but you have to let them go. It is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

The soul mates, or best friends who have done you wrong are hard to let go, but you must. In order to grow you must move forward with or without them. Because otherwise you will be trapped in the vicious cycle of self-hate and resentment toward the other person. And it will end with mutual self-destruction. Letting go is hard, but imagine it as a balloon that you slowly let go of at the end of the day at a carnival. It goes up, higher and higher, and you see it getting smaller and smaller. After a while it disappears completely, though you might still remember it, it will no longer have affect on you.  

Some people and some loves are not meant to last, they are there to shape you and make you better. When the pain is the only thing you hold onto, its time to let go. Not all loves are the same, some are smaller, some bigger, and some stronger. And they all have one thing in common, they make you feel alive, they make you to open up and accept the good things. And the last time I checked it is still worth it. In the long run it will help you.

I have had this draft saved for a while now because I wasn't quite happy with the ending, and it finally came to me. Its alright to love people who wont love you back, and the trick is to change the way you love them. Maybe love them as friends, as people who will challenge you in life to be greater and better or love them from afar. I wont drown myself in hate or pity, its just not healthy. Its time I moved on and change the way I love you. 

So yes, fairy tales end up at some point, but we live on, and be careful what kind of fairytale you are walking into. The real thing begins when the curtain drops and the spectators are all asleep.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

26.entry: All Saints Day - All Loss, No Gain?

“When do you think people die? When they are shot through the heart by the bullet of a pistol? No. When they are ravaged by an incurable disease? No! It’s when… they are forgotten.” 

In light of the All Saints Day I would like to write about loss and love and how do deal with it. 

The 1st of November is the day, when the masses enter cemetery to light the candles for the loved ones, for the ones they have lost. Its become a social gathering of lost souls and grieving hearts. Losing someone you love is hard, and dealing with such a loss is even harder. It feels like your heart is breaking all the time and your chest is torn open. And even if we can get over the physical pain, there are also mental issues. How do you deal with loss of somebody that meant everything to you for so long? You don't. Maybe you miss them a little bit less with every day that passes, and after years, you think of them from time to time. But you never really forget them. Its impossible to forget a part of your heart that lived in somebody else for so long. But you have to realize, that its OK to always remember them. Because, being forgotten, is what it means to truly die forever. 

So to all of you who have lost somebody, its alright to hurt, it will pass over the time. The truth is, time does heal wounds, all of them. Time makes rocks crumble to sand, kingdoms fall under it, and we are no different, we perish, as all things do. But that shouldn't make us sad. It should empower us to use the time we have, to make a difference, to make something of ourselves.

I, as well, have to remind myself all the time to be positive and to keep on moving forward. Chances are that goodbyes are not going to stop, and we cant live in fear of the next goodbye. And it still stings when that time comes, and we will always be reminded of what we have lost. But the trick is, we need to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing, when its a chance to start again. 

We need to keep moving forward, we owe it to people we have lost and to ourselves. We have to remember them for all the good they brought into our lives and keep on loving them. Because that love will lift us up, it will inspire us. Its like you are always carrying them with you and they are quietly whispering to you to go that extra mile, for them, and for yourself.

The thing is; yes you will cry a river of tears, and you will break apart. But tears cleanse and breaking apart means rebuilding into something better, stronger. So don't be afraid to feel the loss of somebody, but also don't be afraid to remember them forever, and love them forever. Love, no matter, big or small, good or bad, it will show us the way out of the darkness. 

To be honest, I hate talking about death and dying, but in the end, its is a natural part of life, and there is nothing we can do about it. We can only accept it and make the most of the time we have been given. We live as we have all the time in the world, chasing paper and rainbows. But the time will come to an end for every single one of us, and when it does, only the happy memories will matter. Think of it like that; Would you live differently if you knew you had only 4920 days left? Would you spend your time differently? 

I wanted to talk about remembering the dead and dealing with loss, but the topic of time side-tracked me, well kind of. Anyways all things come to an end, but that doesn't mean they were bad, just normal. It matters how you deal with the end and the loss, and what you take from it. As I keep on saying all over my blog, it really doest matter what is your perspective on life and things in general. So, think positive, and in the darkest times, keep the light on, we all need a little motivation sometimes. 

I am not religious or anything, but I do wish all good for everybody that is dealing with loss. And remember to keep on moving forward. 

XX, Anze

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

25.entry: Life`s purpose

"You can always turn around. Its better to come to the right place later, than to not get there at all." - A.Zalokar 

So I am sitting in my class and I am thinking to myself: "what the fuck am I doing here???" Is business really the thing I wanna do, is marketing my forte? What is my purpose in life? I believe all of us have the same problem. We don't exactly know what we wanna do, we just know we don't want to work in a grocery store. Don't get me wrong, I believe all jobs are important, but I guess I just want to make a difference in the world in another way. Why have I started to write about the job anyways? Where does it say that my job is my purpose?

I love people who know exactly what they want to do. That's why I love kids, they have a perfect vision of what they want to do in life and they are not afraid of a failure because they believe everything is possible. When have we/I forgotten to dream and to believe? When have we/I forgotten we/I can make a difference, When have we/I forgotten that we/I can make it, and we/I will make it?

I guess this blog post is meant for me as much as its meant for you guys. I just feel numb sometimes. I feel the world made my skin too thick, I forgot to wonder at things, I forgot to believe in the good in people. We are so busy with the little things that we forget to see the bigger picture. I don't know what my purpose is, I went through some of the quotes about life`s purpose and they are all about helping others and making a difference and staying alive. But there is a difference between staying alive and making your life count for something. I would say a purpose is to make a difference in other people`s lives. Either in your small circle of friends or in a huge circle like the world. You wont be Mahatma Gandhi, you wont be Mother Theresa, you wont be Albert Einstein, but you can always be you. And maybe that is our purpose, to be the best version of ourselves, that we need to keep getting better in the public in private aspects of life. We need to make a difference everyday. Everyday we have a purpose to make our day the best it can be, and to make other people`s days better.

Is that it though? Is that the purpose. It seems so simple. I believe nobody is born without a reason. We all play some part in a great scheme of life. We are all actors of our destiny and the destiny of others. Our lives are intertwined with the lives of others. So it matters what you do and what you say. You make impact on people everyday, so be careful of what you do. Make it your life's purpose to help others in the best way you can. 

So, back on the search of my life's purpose. Or maybe to rephrase that. On my mission to find what I am good at. I did one exercise once which was quite helpful. You make 3 circles. In the first one you put down words of what makes you happy or what interest you. (animals, sports, arts, travelling, movies,...), in the second circle you put down things you are good at (conversation, math, solving problems, singing, writing, making friends,...) and the third circle contains the job market suitable for your experience or what you might want to do. Now when you filled in all your circles, do you see that middle part where all the circles connect with each other? That's your life`s purpose. You don't need to fill in it just yet. Keep that scheme in the back of your head and one day you might find your purpose. Until then do what makes you happy and do what you are good at. 

I will leave you with this. Think of your 8 year old self. And think what he or she might say about you. Would you be proud of yourself or would you be ashamed of who you have become?

And last but not least. Sometimes we need time to figure out what our purpose is. I keep on traveling and traveling and hoping that one day I will wake up and find out what my purpose is and I will be complete. Maybe me writing this blog is my purpose. Maybe traveling and meeting all these new people is my purpose. Anyways I will keep on doing what I am good at and we will see how that turns out. Always believe in yourself. My faith was shaking at times, but writing these last lines of this entry I feel like I know what I am doing. I do know better. I don't need a Degree or a certificate for it. In my heart I feel like its the right thing. And maybe that's it. Maybe doing the right thing is a step in the right direction, it has to be, right? 

If you have something to say about today's topic please do comment or follow the blog as it continues. I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Until next time! 

Lots of love,

“Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”

Monday, February 16, 2015

24.entry: Changing your perspectives - Australia

"Never underestimate the power of perspective, it can change everything."

So it has been a while. =D I feel like all my posts start that way. Anyways lets skip all the intro and all the bullshit and go straight to the point. Today I will talk to you about changing your perspectives and what good can come off of it.

The best thing that you can do is change your surroundings. Just recently I have moved to Sydney, Australia. Well I have moved here 1 week ago, but never mind that. So, why is it good to go someplace else once in a while. Because we, people, tend to fall into routine and we tend to accept our reality, no matter how sad it is. So think about your life, think about what you want to accomplish and go for it. Sometimes, the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in other places that are unfamiliar to you. I know it sounds cliche, but its actually really hard to go from known into unknown, especially if you are not used to it. The problem is that we all like to feel safe, too safe sometimes, which is OK, but sometimes to grow you need to be outside of your comfort zone. So why is this important? Because by being out of your comfort zone you see world differently, and you get to see things from another point of view. And its really important to see the world from more then just your standard perspective. Basically you can change your whole life, if you start looking at the world more optimistically, or just differently I guess. That's is why I recommend to any person to go abroad, to go see the world from a whole another point of view. Because there is so much out there, so much we can discover, so much that can change us and shape us into a better person. If you never leave your nest, you will never learn to fly. 

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” 

Also to change you perspective you need to change your company once in a while. Or not change it, just maybe add to it. For me it is amazing to be in Australia. People here are super nice and are so open and talkative. Literally people come up to me all the time and just talk. And since I come from a country where people aren't so open its quite a shock. But a good one. I love my friends and family from Slovenia, but there is something that they cant give me - an international and cultural perspective. Even when you feel like you are a well traveled person and you know the world, you don't. I am still surprised when I meet people from different cultural background. And just to see how they live, how they go about their day. It fascinates me to see how they see the world, I feel like there is so much we can learn from each other. I know we all have our own ways, but that doesn't always mean that we are right. And its important to learn to be wrong and to accept others point of view, even if it contradicts your logic.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” 

I guess its hard to admit you are wrong when you were taught to think a certain way your whole life. That's the point of traveling. Go out and wonder at the world and embrace other people. Take everyday as an opportunity for learning and for changing your perspectives, so you will be happier. It actually is that easy. Happiness is a decision, and in the end its up to you to decide if you want to be happy or sad. There are always going to be things that will make you feel sad and alone, but there will also always be people who will make you feel loved and appreciated. You just maybe need a different mind set and a different perspective to look at your problems, and maybe eventually they will disappear. 

"Opening your mind, can open all the doors for you, even the ones you never knew existed." 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

23.entry: A Slap in the Face

"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies."

Ok so it has been a while. And I am writing again, more pissed then ever. Well just lately I have been involved in so many situations where I had been slapped in the face, figuratively.
I don't get it. What on earth am I doing wrong?
So I have been working my ass off at home and everywhere basically. I always put my heart, my soul and my body into everything I do. And call me stupid, but sometimes I expect something in return. I expect the people closest to me, would to do the same for me as I do for them. But as of lately I have noticed that's not the case. All I get in return is a slap in the face and a fuck you. Am I expecting to much? Should I really get on terms with the fact that I am alone in this world and that at the end of the day I am the only person who would do anything, everything for me? I don't want that to be the reality. Honestly I still have too much hope in humanity to believe there is nobody who would give back to me, what I give out. 

Karma is the ultimate bitch here I would say. They always say, if you do good, good will come to you. Well no offense life, but I am still waiting for that good to come. At least a hint hint wouldn't hurt. Anyways I had to complain about that, It just sucks, sometimes. That people closest to you, can hurt you the most. I mean, I wanna say, if they are the closest ones, why would they wanna hurt you at all. And even when you tell them, its like whatever. I mean how can you go from there. Who do you have to become? What do you have to change inside to survive and thrive?
Honestly, sometimes I just wanna fold up and stop. And stop thinking and move somewhere and start a new. That's all. I am done for the day.

So to learn from what I have experienced. Even when times get dark and hard. Know that there are people for you, sometimes you just need to reach out and somebody will be there to catch you. If not, you can catch yourself. You are your own biggest fan anyway, and you are the one who will lose to much. So keep on being the better person. I will keep on going and I will keep on doing what I do, at 150%. I just need to believe someday, sometimes, a person will notice and will be willing to do the same for me.

Friday, May 23, 2014

22.entry: Its Not Too Late To Apologize

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”  - Benjamin Franklin

Apology is a virtue, that not many posses, if I may be so bold. Its a fine art of expressing how you feel and of admitting your mistakes. For that a person must be proud and strong. Not everybody is capable of admitting their faults for the sake of admitting them and exposing their soul. 

In our short lives, we have all made mistakes. Big ones and small ones. We have hurt people we loved, we have made them angry by things we have said, or things we haven't said. For leveling the field and calming the opponent, one must apologize and admit thing he or she has done wrong. 

People find it hard to apologize for things they have done, because they believe they will lose their power and pride. But pride is a funny thing, it can be so amazing at times, and gives us dignity and can make us hold that head high in the clouds. But also it can be a wall, a wall we build around ourselves so others cant see our emotions and our faults. It is OK to be flawed, its okay to have emotions. And I don't mean you have to show them to everybody, just to those you care about. Be careful of your pride, and of what it can make you do or don't do. And by apologizing to people, you show them you care about them, you put their needs in front of yours, and in my opinion that's the strongest a person can be. To do something for others, knowing you might not gain nothing from it. So apologizing is necessary when it comes to relationships. You have to know when to apologize and how to do it. The whole act of apologizing wont lower your image in somebody else's eyes, but the fact you didn't apologize when you should, that will hurt your image and your relationship. So think of others and do what is right. Swallow the thing you call pride and spit out that apology!

Once I heard this quote, saying that you should never apologize, since this is a sign of weakness. I cannot more disagree with this bullshit. Only by knowing your weaknesses you will be strong. And to know when you have wronged somebody and to apologize, is certainly not a weakness, it can only mean you can look past your needs and serve other`s instead. Its the most admirable thing a person can do to somebody he or she has wronged. So whenever somebody says you should not apologize, punch them in their face, and say you are sorry. 

To apologize you must have a sense of guilt. Or simply do it because you know it is the right thing to do. Because some people dont feel gulit, or they mask the feelings of guilt with pride. But by admiting you were wrong, you will show people not only your weaknesses, but also your strenghts. They will admire you for being so brave to admit you were wrong. So you will lose nothing with an apology. Believe me, the reason you will lose something is because you didnt apologize in the first place.

So even though the song from OneRepublic says its too late to apologize, I do disagree with it. Its a good song, dont get me wrong. Just the whole meaning is wrong. Beacuse its never to late to apologize to someone. Even if you apologize after a few years, its still better then never. Because if nothing else, you will ease you conscience, and though that may be selfish, its still better then going around with a burdon on your shoulders. Even after year a sincer apology can mean so much to somebody. They may not forgive you for what you have done, but knowing you are sorry about it, will give them peace. Sometimes people need to know they were right, but they never get the satisfaction and it can be a bitch, to never hear the "I am sorry" from somebody. 

So few letters, but hardly even spoken. "I am sorry!". These words can change history. I firmly believe in those 8 letters. Because they give you a key to someone`s heart. They show you what kind of a person you are. Like I said, its easy to be wrong, but so hard to admit it. 

“An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.” 

I speak to you, my beloved readers. If you ever feel sorry about something you have done, then say it. With head held high, say I am sorry and mean it. Because the person next to you is usually worth much more then your so called "pride". And for the sake of not losing the first, be bold, be brave and say those 3 words that people deserve to hear. 

“In this life, when you deny someone an apology,
you will remember it at time you beg forgiveness.”